


OTP: Brains Brawn and Biotics

by commanderlurker (honeybee592)



Series: OTP: Brains, Brawn, and Biotics [11]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 20,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16900929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybee592/pseuds/commanderlurker
Summary: Cross posting my shenga fics to AO3 since tumblr is in crisis mode.Mix of ratings.





	1. you’re a good pillow

**Author's Note:**

> 24 August 2017  
> previousjane asked: “you’re a good pillow.” for Berry?

Ah yes. The classic stuck-waiting-for-an-extraction. Didn’t happen all that often–situation had to be damn dire to stop Cortez flying in. But here they were, stuck. Kaidan just couldn’t help setting the comms array to self-destruct when he discovered the root password was ‘password’, all lowercase, no spaces or numbers. James had finished the job in spectacular style. Honestly, the man couldn’t be trusted with a grenade launcher. Unfortunately, the effect had been near cataclysmic. One of the buildings had been full of fuel and another had been full of fucking tyres or something. Combine that with the planet’s atmo, and well, when Shepard had yelled run, they’d fucking well ran.

So here they were, Shepard, Vega, and Alenko, snugged up in a barely-holding-together prefab with bits of other prefab raining down, desperately ignoring the way the sexual tension filled the room like carbon monoxide.

Oh yeah, that hadn’t escaped her notice. The room had a gas leak. Non-flammable, at least. Nothing she couldn’t patch though. If only the sexual tension was as easy to deal with. James looked on the verge of saying something lewd whenever Shepard glanced his way. He wouldn’t though. For all his bluster, he sure was insecure. Kaidan hovered closer than the space called for, like he needed to be close after having been far apart for so long. He wouldn’t say anything either. Too much of a gentleman.

And that left Shepard. No point kidding herself. She’d have to have a life-and-death situation on her hands before she acknowledged what’d been growing between them.

James flicked his omniblade out and in.  _Whoosh, whiiip. Whoosh, whiiip_. A crackle came through their comms, Cortez, voice all chopped up. Kaidan tapped away on his omnitool.

“Still can’t land.” Kaidan said.

Shepard sighed. Might not be life-or-death, but it was fucking annoying. Well, nothing for it but to nap it out. And maybe acknowledge  _something_.

“James, get your ass over here.” Shepard patted the floor next to her. James looked confused but he complied, slipping his omniblade away and shuffling over. “You too, Kaidan. Yeah, right there.” She sat sandwiched between Major and Lieutenant, and wiggled to get comfortable. Head on James’ shoulder, hip against Kaidan’s. Not bad. Not the best.

“Uh, Commander?” James’ hard swallow at the end was audible.

Shepard bit the inside of her lip to stop from smiling. “You’re a good pillow.” She wrapped her knuckles on Kaidan’s thigh. “You could be a better blanket though.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” Kaidan mumbled.

Shepard closed her eyes. “Wake me up when we can leave, okay?”

She didn’t miss the way James held himself rigid before finally relaxing, or how Kaidan scooted just that little bit closer. This was good. Right here, right now? This was all she needed. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 June 2016  
> major character deaths

choosyfruit **asked: Mourn. Shenga.**

*slaps this fic down* Are you happy, choosy? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW???? With your “one character mourning the death of the other” prompt. 

*

Kaidan hadn’t told the others–why would he?–but he had a bet going with himself that he’d outlive them. Odds were in his favour. While teaching biotics had its moments of white lights and life-flashing-before-your-eyes, it wasn’t nearly as dangerous as the missions Shepard and James continued to send themselves on long after they should’ve retired. Still, making that kind of bet was a little morbid and now that he’d won, well, he hardly felt like he’d won.

Shepard’s cybernetics could’ve kept her going as long as an asari but the parts of her that hadn’t been grafted in or grown in a lab had passed their human shelf life and she’d demanded they switch her off so she wouldn’t be a burden. Her words. James had put up a fight, like he always did, and he’d backed down, like he always did. Neither of them had been all that keen on the galactic-wide televised screening of her funeral with full military honours and whenever he caught a glimpse of a vid from that day, he failed to remember a single thing, couldn’t even remember being there. He remembered the private ceremony though, the one held in the funeral home with the surviving Normandy crew–mostly the species with life spans incomprehensible to humans. That had been a good day. A real celebration.

A few years later, James starting getting the same black spots in his vision that Shepard had complained of. The migraines came on suddenly and they both knew what that meant. For every advancement humanity had made, the brain still wasn’t  fully understood. Kaidan doubted its secrets would ever be completely revealed and that pissed him off. Cancer was gone, heart disease eradicated, they could grow new limbs for Christ’s sake, but they couldn’t fix a mushy brain.

At least James’ funeral was a quieter affair. Not that he’d’ve appreciated it. Though Kaidan did feel bad about not following through with James’ request for fireworks and a Mako for a hearse. And, just like last time, the Normandy crew got together.

“Seems like every time we meet up, we’re down a friend,” Garrus said.

“It’s been a good ride though,” Kaidan replied. “More than I would’ve expected. More than I possibly deserved.” 

He still felt fit and fine. He was good for a while yet. And he wasn’t alone, not really. Not when he was surrounded my memories and vids and photos of a well lived life. He smiled to himself. Guess he had won, in a way. 


	3. Undress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 June 2016

**arandomfactoid asked: Undress James/Kadain/Berry**

Shepard doesn’t like to stare. Sure, they’ve seen each other in their skivvies before and in a situation like this, post battle and covered in husk and brute guts, there’s energy bouncing off the walls and adrenaline highs, but it’s not sexual. It shouldn’t be sexual. She glances at Kaidan. He’s staring too. She doesn’t feel so bad but she is the commander and she should set the example. But James leans so casually against the lockers, the top half of his under armour hanging from his hips as he drinks a bottle of water. **  
**

He doesn’t just drink it. He makes a show of it as only James Vega can. His massive hand engulfs the bottle, fingers wrapped around tight, veins popping on the back of his hand. And his forearm. His throat is bared as he tips his head back. His adam’s apple bobs as he gulps from a seemingly infinite supply of water, dribbles escaping and running down his jaw, his neck.

Shepard follows the course of one adventurous team of H2O as it sets out to chart the territory of James’ chest. Over the hill of his collar bone, along the rising smooth plain of his pecs. The team pauses at the edge with the peak of nipple mountain to the left, peering over the cliff that descends straight down onto the undulating landscape of abdominals. Shepard finds herself cheering it on, willing the water to succeed, to go where she can’t, touch what she can’t, and she expects a full and detailed report complete with sample analysis.

Only James dumps the rest of the water on his head and then shakes like a dog, whooping at the cold and now Shepard can’t tell one team of H2O from another. Not that it matters because he’s pulling the rest of his suit off and Shepard really does turn away. So does Kaidan. They share a guilty glance. They won’t speak out it later. Won’t acknowledge it. They can’t. But they both know what the other is thinking. They both know there’s more going on than just a good looking man with no shame who likes to show off. But in the meantime, there’s a war to win.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 April 2016

**musanocturnis asked: Ooh ooh, 34 skiing/snowboarding for a Shenga? Ensuing snowball fight optional?**

Alas, no snowball fight. Written while waiting to get the truck tyres aligned. H/C that James hates these skiiing holidays.

*

James gritted his teeth and stared down the slope. This bastard of a hill wouldn’t get him this time. He gave himself a nudge and he started to slide. He steadied his feet and legs, breathed in through is nose and tried to just  _ski_. He caught the wobble before it became terminal and picked up speed. He allowed himself a pleased huff. Doing well so far. Only the first corner loomed before him.

He leaned, like he’d been taught by the hot instructor, and cruised around the corner like a pro, like he’d been  _born_  to ski. The next corner came up, sharper than the last, and he shifted his weight to the other side and  _nailed_  the glide.

*

In the warmth of the lodge, Kaidan and Shepard lazed in bed, sweat cooling on sticky skin. Shepard spared a glance at the fireplace, considered getting up and putting another log on, but snuggled against Kaidan instead.

“You think James is having a better day today?” she asked.

Kaidan blew a long breath out his nose. “Yeah, he’ll be doing fine. That pep talk you gave him really put him in his place. He’s determined now. Do you Ns really need to know how to ski though? Seems pretty speciality, even for you.”

Shepard grinned, stroking Kaidan’s chest. She’d not gone snow-side since Noveria. Space walks were more common that skis in her line of duty. She supposed she should feel at least a  _little_  bit guilty but when James did has stubborn ass thing Shepard couldn’t help but do her stubborn commander thing.

“Think of it as extra-curricular training,” she said.

“You are so mean.” Kaidan laughed though.

“He deserved it. Anyway, it got us a whole day in bed. Just us.”

“True. We probably still have some time to ourselves before he comes back.” He squeezed her with one arm, stroked her thigh with his free hand.

“Snow sucks anyway,” Shepard said, sighing against Kaidan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 April 2016

**arandomfactoid asked: In a museum after it closes - for Brains Brawn & Biotics?**

Shepard, Kaidan and James stalked through the museum, silent, alert. Torchlight lit up shadows, bounced off display cases. James took point, knowing exactly where to go. Didn’t even need his omni. He had London’s Natural History Museum floor plan memorised.

They ended up in the main hall, spotlights on the diplodocus skeleton.

“Area is secure,” Kaidan said.

Shepard sighed, unclicking her helmet. “Where’d you say you got this tip, Vega?”

James shifted, keeping his helmet firmly in place. “Uh…”

“There’s no tip, is there James.” Kaidan had his helmet off too, his glare fierce.

Yeah, James may have overplayed his hand.

“You asshole.” Shepard shoved his shoulder. “We broke in here, looking for art thieves and there’s nothing?”

James finally unclipped his helmet. “I just wanted to see the dinosaur up close! This place is always full of kids and they shove me out the way. I can’t see it properly.”

“Oh, poor James being beaten up by a bunch of ten year olds.”

Kaidan looked up at the diplodocus, its head towering above. “Well, we’re here now. Got the place to ourselves. Now’s your chance.”

James beamed. Shit yeah, now he’d get to check out the diplodocus for himself. It was no T-rex, but shit, dinosaurs were awesome, no matter the species. He had one leg over the rope barrier when Shepard hissed.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Looking at the fucking dinosaur, Lola.”

Kaidan had his omni up. “At least let me make sure we’re covered.”

James hovered, feeling exposed and stupid until Kaidan gave him the go ahead. “Okay, cameras are on a loop. The dinosaur’s all yours.”

James wandered under it, head craning back, marvelling at the bones, picturing how the muscle would’ve overlaid the skelton. “You know this is the longest dinosaur? And see how the forelegs are shorter than the back legs?” He continued spouting all his knowledge on the majestic diplodocus, pointing out salient features. He heard Shepard say something to Kaidan, and Kaidan’s ‘shh’ in reply.

“What are you two talking about?” He eyed them, daring them to talk shit about Earth’s greatest animal.

They shared a glance and Kaidan stepped away, like he did whenever Shepard was about to do something he didn’t approve of.

“You know this one isn’t real, right?” she said.

“Huh?”

“This one. It’s a replica. The real one is in the Carnegie Museum of Natural History.”

James stared at Shepard, mouth open, heart broken. “You mean…”

Shepard walked up to James, put her hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, Vega.”

Kaidan wandered over. “You know, we could always go over to Pittsburg, break into the museum there. Security’s surprisingly lax.”

“Yeah. I ‘spose.” James kicked the ground, dejected. “I always wanted to see this one though. During the reconstruction, I… Shit. Doesn’t matter. Let’s just go.” He shoved his helmet back on and started clomping to the emergency exit they’d slipped through.

Shepard caught up with him “Hey, hey, don’t be so quick. Kaidan’s got the place on lockdown. You know where the archives are?”

James nodded.

“Well, let’s go steal a tooth or something. I’m sure they’ve got more than enough. A nice T-Rex tooth would look great on our mantle piece.”

“We can’t steal a tooth!”

“Sure we can. Right, K?”

Kaidan’s reply was a long sigh.

“I’m gonna steal a tooth.” Shepard headed to the stairs. “You two coming?”

Kaidan and James trailed behind Shepard.

“This is your fault, James.” Kaidan said.

“Yeah yeah, I know.” Still, the thought of going through boxes of dinosaur bones filled James with giddy anticipation. He did have some good ideas. Sometimes it just took Shepard to execute them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 March 2016

 

Shepard’s hand hovered over the door pad. Low voices caught her attention. She leaned forward, ear against the door. **  
**

“She wants to return to active service.” James, voice deep, unhappy.

“Yeah, she said.” Kaidan. Exasberated.

“It’s fuckin’ crazy. No way we can let her do that.”

“I don’t think we have a choice, James. Shepard plays her own game and doesn’t tell us the rules, you know that.”

“But active service? N7 missions? Spectre missions? If some stray shot doesn’t kill her, exhaustion will, and I’m not gonna let her do that.”

Shepard’s heart kicked up a gear, rage on a simmer. How dare they try and stop her. What was she supposed to do with her life? Take up knitting? Baking? If her vindicator wasn’t involved, she didn’t want to know about it.

She slammed her fist on the pad, ready to give both Kaidan and James a piece of her mind. The door slid open to them sitting at the table, her charred and scarred N7 helmet resting between them. Maybe, maybe they had a point. But James wore his fighting face and Kaidan’s eyebrows were drawn in stubborn argument.

“Shepard–” Kaidan started.

“You were saying?” Shepard asked.

*

They were all in too foul a mood to actually have a productive conversation but they were all too pissed at each other to have a time out.

“I’m not going to spend the rest of my life being a  _housewife_.” She spat out the word.

“You’re not a–”

“Or a public speaker or mentor whatever the fuck it is Hackett wants me to do.” Shepard went to take another swallow of tea only to find her cup empty. She slammed it on the table. “I’m Commander Fucking Shepard, N7. I was born with a silver bullet between my teeth and I’ll damn well die with a silver bullet between my teeth.”

James, his arms folded, harrumphed like he agreed with her. But he wouldn’t look at her.

“I think you mean silver spoon. And you may not be a werewolf but you’re sure acting like one.”

“Kaidan–”

“Berry, listen to yourself. Yeah, I get it. Military life, being a soldier, it’s all you’ve ever known. And just because you’ve retired from active duty doesn’t mean you can’t keep a hand in the Alliance. I may not be running around the galaxy any more but I’ve got a lot left to give. That’s why I teach those biotic kids. You’re N7. Why don’t you go to Rio and give those N1s a reason to fear you.”

Shepard looked up from her cup to Kaidan. Damn him. He stared right back at her, those eyebrows of his conveying all his anger, frustration and concern.

“It’s kinda a good idea, Lola,” James muttered. “Just don’t kick my ass. Please”

Shepard sat silent for a moment, mulling it over. She was still too angry to think with a clear head but she could see the idea had merit. “I’ll think about it,” she said through gritted teeth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 19 December 2015

**arandomfactoid asked: “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" - for Brawn Brains & Biotics?**

“Fuck, Kaidan. You’re heavier than you look.” Shepard’s not above grunting, just to show how hard she’s working.

“Shepard, please. Put me down. It’s just sprained ankle.”

“No can do, Major.” She wasn’t kidding, he really was heavy, but the shuttle… so close… 

James lumbers behind, shotgun at the ready. For what, Shepard doesn’t know. No enemies. No mercs, no reapers, no husks, no geth. Just an entire fucking planet strewn with rocks that may as well be marbles. They crunch and rattle underfoot, slipping under boots, their threat to the safety of Shepard’s crew’s ankles greater than anything yet faced. Or maybe that was the exhaustion talking.

A slip, a manly yell, a crash. Dare she turn around? Melodramatic moaning. She turns around. James’ shotgun looks to still be in one piece. The same can’t be said for the Lieutenant. Just as well. That shotgun had been expensive.

The perks of having a Cerberus upgrade include having the strength of  _two_ krogan.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 19 December 2015

**previousjane asked: “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ for shenga?**

The poker chips made sense, as did the empties littering the floor. The bottles probably explained the whole situation, really. That Kaidan had all the chips and all the… clothes, well that was a surprise. 

He didn’t look nearly as surprised as a pants-less James, who stuttered a ‘Lola’ and was half way to a standing salute before Shepard stopped him.

“I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else,Lieutenant,” she said.

Kaidan surrendered his prize of James’ Alliance briefs, deftly caught by James who at least had the courtesy to turn around while he yanked them up. Two sets of eyebrows raised. Two jaws dropped. Two gulps. The only witness with his back turned.

Sheepish but in no way apologetic, James grinned at Shepard, the grin dying at the sight of folded arms and a put-on scowl.  _Well?_  her expression said.

“Commander. You told me not to lose my shirt. And I didn’t!”

Commanding eyes turned to Kaidan. Two witnesses to his gulp. “Major?”

“I cleaned him out of chips, ma’am. And you  _did_  tell him not to lose his shirt. Can’t blame him for following orders.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. Arms dropped to her side she stalked up to the table, pulled out a chair. “Deal me in. Let’s see just how easy it is to win James’…  _heart_.”

Shuffling cards, a ‘yes ma’am’, and a quiet curse muttered under a breath


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 29 April 2015

**arandomfactoid asked: “I love it when you talk dirty.” - Shenga?**

“Yeah, you like that? You like it when I pump you full of–” James staggered, fell to his knees and groaned. 

Kaidan shoved an elbow in his ribs. “James, you can’t take a pounding like that. There’s two of us here. Share the load.”

From somewhere behind them ammo rains down, halting the mercs just ahead of them. Then… silence.

Shepard’s laugh comes over the comms.

“You know I love it when you two talk dirty.”

Good thing they have their helmets on. Both men go beet red, refuse to look at each other. Kaidan recovers his composure first, clearing his throat but his voice is still tight. 

“Area secure, Commander.”


	10. Kaidan hasn’t told ma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 March 2015  
> An unfinished thing that still works on its own, mostly.

James lay fuming in this stupid single bed. Kaidan was better than this. He shouldn’t have left James spinning like the fucking third wheel.

There was no way he would get to sleep now so he brought up his omnitool, squinted as he peered into the harsh orange glow. He flicked a message to Shepard. She’d still be awake. While he waited for her reply, he thought about just how fucked up this day had been–the first day of their fucking holiday. It became evident as soon as they stepped through the door that Kaidan’s mother lacked a very crucial piece of intel regarding her son.

His omni flashed.  _Come through ;p_ He huffed at her winky face but he wasn’t pissed at her. He threw the covers back and tiptoed to the door, slowly pulled it open and poked his head out, checking for light under the doors in the hall. Satisfied that he wouldn’t get caught, he crept up to the room where Kaidan and Shepard had been given. Kaidan’s old bedroom. He knocked lightly, then eased the door open.

Soft light bathed the double bed from the bedside table lamp, cast shadows up the wall, distorting the posters and models on their shelves. Man, teenage Kaidan was a total geek. Still was. His anger softened slightly at the thought of young nerdy Kaidan. Then he met the eyes of old nerdy Kaidan. He sat against the headboard, his expression giving nothing away. Shepard sat next to him, smiling wide and patting the covers, beckoning James over.

“Isn’t this fun?” she asked as James slipped in beside her. “So bad, you sneaking in here. I feel like we’re breaking house rules. We’re not even married!”

James did not see the funny side. “Lola, the only reason I had to sneak in here is because  _someone_  hadn’t told his mother that I’m more than just some hanger-on.” He leant forward and glared at Kaidan. Kaidan’s expression broke into a wince.  _Yeah, you better feel bad_.

“I’m sorry James. I didn’t… I haven’t had a chance–” Kaidan started.

“Bullshit. We’ve been a… thing for ages. You’ve had plenty of chances. She’s met me before! And she knew about Shepard. Greeted her like a long lost daughter. Me? I get a handshake and the guest bedroom. With a fucking single bed.” James glared back, rage coursing through his veins. Shepard grabbed his hand, squeezed. He flinched but let her hold it. He needed her to calm him down or the whole house would wake up to his shouting.

Kaidan sighed. “She didn’t know about Shepard either. She just assumed… She knew about us after… after Alchera. So she must have just…”

“Kaidan Kochanski Alenko. Are you telling me your mother just invited the three of us to her house without her even knowing the state of our relationship?” Now Shepard was pissed.

Kaidan held his hands up in innocent protest. “She asked me to come home, see the orchard, spend some time with her. I said sure, said I’d bring you two. I kinda thought she’d figure it out.”

“Well that sure as fuck didn’t work.” James huffed.

“You’ve got to fix this.” Shepard said. “It’s bad enough that you didn’t tell her, but to have James left out? Kaidan. Why would you even…”

“I didn’t know how to tell her! What should I have said? ‘Hey mom, you know how my girlfriend died? Well, she’s alive again and she saved the galaxy twice and by the way, I also have a boyfriend.’ Yeah, that’s going to go down well.”

James and Shepard just stared at him.

“I’ll tell her tomorrow. She’ll be fine. She’ll understand.” He said it more to himself, like he was reassuring himself. He leant forward and put his hand over James and Shepard’s, met his eyes. “Stay here tonight. I know it’s not a big bed, but… You wanna be the soup spoon?”

James acquiesced. Nothing could be done about it now. And yes, he did want to be the soup spoon. He clambered over Shepard, pushing her to the edge of the bed. He yanked Kaidan’s pillow out from under him and stuffed it under his own head. Then he lay back with his arms out and the other two wiggled in next to him, their heads resting in the crook of his shoulders. Their arms draped over his torso while he curled his around them.

She’d be fine, surely. Over dinner they’d had the chance to talk and she’d stopped giving James the sideways stares and warmed to him, accepting his mysterious presence. Yeah, she’d be fine. She had an L2 son, for fuck sake. She’d be able to cope with… this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My options for fixing Kaidan’s mess include:
> 
> Ma knocking on his door in the morning with three cups of coffee because she figured it out for herself.
> 
> Ma knocking on his door in the morning and there being a comical series of ‘oh shit’s as Kaidan tries to hide the massive lump of James under the covers.
> 
> Kaidan dicking about trying to explain their relationship and James getting pissed off and just saying “We’re all fucking each other. It’s amazing.” And then Ma going, “cool! let me tell you about the threesomes I’ve had” and Kaidan going for a long walk by himself while James, Shepard, and Ma discuss the best ways to wrangle a set up with two dicks and one vagina.
> 
> Ma cornering James and straight out asking what he’s doing here. James explaining it, Ma getting pissed off with Kaidan for not telling her. Profuse apologies from her and a cryptic “I thought maybe… but I didn’t think you were his type” before going and revoking Kaidan’s dessert privileges.
> 
> Or some combination of all of the above.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 9 March 2015  
> One of my favourites, tbh.

  * ‘i’m having a minor breakdown in the middle of bed bath and beyond and you’re a bewildered shopper who wants to buy plates but also to make sure i’m okay bc im wailing a little bit in the kitchenware section’ au



I can see something like this happening to my established shenga trio. Shepard’s been tasked with getting new plates but can’t handle it because the sets are all in fours. “There’s three of us! What are we supposed to do with the extra plate?” She’s called Kaidan while he’s at HQ.

“Uh, keep it in the cupboard?” Kaidan replies. He hears a sniff. “Are you crying? Berry? They’re just plates.”

“There’s too many choose from,” she whispers.

Kaidan calls James, priority mission to rescue his girlfriend.

James turns up, marches through the shop, finds Shepard clutching a box of plates to her chest. She’s ended up in the towel section. In front of her are a pile of towels monogrammed with 'his’ and 'hers’. She doesn’t understand how Kaidan and James are going to tell their towels apart.

“We don’t need towels,” he says, gently taking her by the arm and leading her away.

To get to the checkout, they have to navigate the kitchen appliances. 

15 minutes later, Kaidan gets another call. 

“We’re stuck behind enemy lines,” James says, voice wavering. “Requesting immediate extract.”

Kaidan sighs. “I’ll call Cortez.”

Steve turns up, locates the distressed marines, relieves them of their plates and juicers and spice grinders, gets them back to the shuttle without casualties.

Kaidan’s kinda pissed that he has to go buy the plates after work. But at 19:37 Shepard receives a call from him. “I’m lost in the beyond section. They’re running interference. Map and HUD have gone FUBAR. Requesting backup.”

And that was the time when Hackett had to rescue three of his elite marines from Bed Bath and Beyond.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 December 2014

Kaidan isn’t bothered by the rooster at the Orchard. Maybe he’s just used to it, crowing at ass o'clock in the morning. Anyway, he can sleep through anything.

James can sleep through anything, too. Like Shepard, he’s usually up when the crowing starts. What he can’t stand is the way the rooster  _looks_  at him. There’s challenge in those eyes, he can tell. That rooster wants to fight him and to be honest, James isn’t sure he could take on that bird. I mean, have you seen those spurs?

Shepard does not sleep like the dead. She has developed a sixth sense. One that anticipates trouble. Keeps her sleeping light. She’s an early riser, but that doesn’t mean she won’t indulge in a sleep in every now and then. Especially when she’s on holiday. But she can’t laze around in bed if there’s a fucking rooster crowing outside her room, can she?  
****  
The clock read 0517. Shepard sighed, watching the minutes tick by, gritting her teeth every time the rooster’s cry pierced her ears.  _Fuck this_. She clambered over James, slipped on a tee, and headed out. She was only gone three minutes.  
*  
Shepard stretched, arms and legs reaching out to all corners of the bed. Empty. The guys must’ve gotten up early. Nice of them to let her sleep. Cup of coffee wouldn’t go amiss though. She rolled over, clock reading 0914. Shit. That was late for her. She was about to send a message to Kaidan, asking for a coffee, when the man himself came in. No coffee, unfortunately.

“Morning Shepard. There’s been an incident. Don’t panic, it’s under control, but there’ll be a few Alliance guys coming in soon.” He sat on the edge of the bed, hand on her shoulder, keeping her still.

“What’s happened?” If Kaidan told her not to panic, she wouldn’t panic.

Kaidan ran his hand through his hair, stared out the window. “Someone killed the rooster this morning and left it on the porch. Definitely a person, not an animal. The neck’s been snapped clean. It might not be anything, but we’re gonna have a few guys search the perimeter. Just to be on the safe side.”

_Shit._


	13. Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 November 2014

The first stabs of pain crept up the back of Shepard’s neck, into the base of her skull. She rolled her neck, cracking the joints. The pop pop gave instant relief, but only for a second. Then the stab trickled back.

Maybe she’d been too tense, holding her body tight while listening to politicians rabbiting on about military affairs they could never understand. Beside her, Hackett shifted, hand on the table. His fingers twitched, clearly impatient as well.

Her headache only got worse. By the time the meeting had finished, she felt like fingers were digging into her skull, pushing through the bone, through her brain to squeeze her eye balls.

Bed. That’s all she wanted. The scowl carved into her forehead was enough to make even Hackett leave her alone. She left, holding onto the datapads with white knuckles, teeth grinding, marched straight to the skycar lot, then home.

She didn’t even notice Kaidan at first. She’d dumped the pads on the table and headed straight for his bedroom. Her jacket off came off first, followed by her trousers but they got caught on her boots that she’d forgotten to take off. She was struggling with her bra when she felt the bed dip beside her.

Without speaking, Kaidan helped her out of her bra and back into her singlet, undid her boots, pulled them and her trousers off. She went to lie down, pull the blanket up to her neck and sleep her way through the pain, but Kaidan halted her with a hand to her shoulder.

“Hey, Berry. How bad is it?”

Shepard mumbled a reply that he wouldn’t be able to catch.

“Okay, well I’ll get something to take the edge off.”

She struggled to stay sitting upright for the minute Kaidan was gone. Her head throbbed, her stomach crawling up her throat but then he was back, putting a couple of pills into her hand and telling her to drink up. The shock of the cold water numbed her brain for a moment, settled her stomach, allowing her to lie down, curl up into a tight little ball. She thought Kaidan would leave her alone now, she wanted him to. But the bed dipped again and his hand settled on her shoulder, a gentle caress that grounded her, kept her from burrowing further under the blanket.

She hadn’t had a headache like this for years. First bad one, really bad one, was all thanks to a certain prothean artifact drilling a vision of the past–or future–into her mind, etching with a hot poker so she’d never forget it. Kaidan had been there when she’d woken up, all full of concern and apologies. His voice, his brows drawn in, then that little smile–well, he’d helped ease the pain without even knowing it.

Here, now, he knew how to help, rubbing firm circles on the back of her neck, like he could ease the pressure around an amp jack–if she had one. Didn’t matter. His touch felt good all the same, muting the ache of her eyes.

Slowly, slowly, the sharp pinpricks behind her eyelids morphed and fuzzed into dull stars before fading away altogether, leaving a dark, empty peace. She allowed herself to uncurl, ease her legs out, let go of the pillow she’d been clutching so tight, and finally relax.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 November 2014

**arandomfactoid asked: 23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart? For Bereneice ( & Co?)**

Shepard dumped her bag on the table, gave Kaidan and James a quick kiss each and was about to head to the kitchen when she paused mid-turn, attention caught by an incongruity.

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing to end of the table.

“Uh, a bunch of flowers,” Kaidan replied.

“Well yeah, I know that. What are they doing here? How’d they get here?”

“I got them for you. It’s called romance. People who love each other sometimes buy flowers for each other.” Kaidan offered, lifting the flowers and passing them to her. She accepted them with a frown, gave a tentative sniff.

“I dunno about romance. My old man only ever got mom flowers when he had something to apologise for,” James said, not even looking up from his datapad.

Kaidan huffed, his hands on his hips. “Well I’m sorry for trying.”

Shepard shoved the bunch into James’ hands and rushed over to Kaidan, wrapping her arms around him. “No no no. They’re lovely.” She pressed her lips to his. “Thank you. It’s just… I don’t know what to do with them.”

“When you look at them you’ll think of me and and be overwhelmed by how wonderful I am.” Kaidan gave a tight smile, eyes pinched and verging on embarrassment.

“Hey now. I don’t need flowers to remind me of how wonderful you are. I just need to think of you.” Shepard kissed him again, long and slow, holding him tight, her thighs pressed against his. “And I’m  _always_  thinking of you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 November 2014

**Anonymous asked:** _Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?_

Shepard nestled in between Kaidan and James as the trio huddled behind a rock cluster. She stared down the barrel of her mantis, scoping out the land and the enemy.

“Four Assault Troopers. One Centurion. They’re not expecting us. Looks like they’re playing cards,” she said. “Be silent and flank them. I’ll cover you.”

“You’re not gonna do that thing where you’ve shot them sky high before we’ve even had a chance to fire a round off, are you, ma’am?” James asked while he made adjustments to his shotgun.

Shepard snorted. “‘Course not. There’s five of them. Now get outta here.”

The guys filed out, Kaidan left and James right, making their way slowly across the path to the unsuspecting troops.

Shepard waited until James had lifted his shotgun to his shoulder, knowing Kaidan would be in sync with his cryo blast, then she let loose her first shot. She’d fired off her second by the time the first target had hit the ground, and her third before the others had realised they were under attack. Kaidan and James cleaned up the last two and the whole attack was over in ten seconds.

Kaidan’s low laugh filtered through the team comm but down her scope she saw James shaking his head and sticking his middle finger up in her direction. 

“Aw, LT. You got one guy. Well done,” Shepard said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

The middle finger on his other hand came up.

“You’ve got a lot to learn James.” Kaidan said, laughing harder. ”Shepard works alone, except when she doesn’t.”


	16. How to swing an axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 November 2014

“I think you should tell him he’s doing it wrong,” Shepard said, staring ahead.

“Me? No way. You know he hates that. I’ll wait for him to come and ask for help,” Kaidan replied.

They both winced as they watched James out the window. The axe he wielded bounced off the wood round and clattered to the ground. James closed his eyes, his head falling back. His lips moved, the swear words clearly readable, his fists clenched by his side.

“He’s pissed. Go and help him. Grumpy Jimmy is no fun.” Shepard ran her hand over Kaidan’s back, giving him an encouraging shove.

“No, you go. You’re the only one he listens to you when he’s pissed.”

“Nuh uh. I grew up on a space station. What do I know about chopping wood?”

Kaidan sighed, defeated. Like hell Shepard didn’t know how to chop wood. He’d taught her himself. Still, he got up, slipped his boots on and made it outside in time to see James lift the axe above his head and slam it down on the stump. The wood split in two, falling to the ground.

“Hey, looking good,” Kaidan said, feining enthusiasm. Dumb luck and brute strength had split that particular round. But that would only get James so far. “Wanna break?”

James looked up to meet Kaidan’s smile. Sweat stained his forehead and cheeks, grimy with pine dust and pollen. His shirt rode up at the back a little, exposing a sliver of skin that just begged to be rubbed. He dropped the axe and rolled his neck and shoulders, joints popping. “Sure,” he said, a bit peevish. “Knock yourself out.”

Kaidan stepped up and James stepped back. “You can be my gillie.”

“Your what?”

“Never mind. Stick a round on the stump,” Kaidan replied, picking up the axe.

James did as he was told, dropping a round in place before wandering back a safe distance. Kaidan cocked his head, eyed the wood, seeing where the knots formed and how the grain lay. Wouldn’t be easy to split. Might take a few swings. He shifted to the side, brought the axe up and let it fall. A chunk came of the side and before it had hit the ground, he’d swung again, slicing off another chunk. He worked his way around before bringing the axe down one last time, right through the centre. The axe blade lodged in the stump and Kaidan let go of the handle.

James whistled. “Damn, man. You sure you’re not a lumberjack or some shit?”

And here’s where Kaidan had to tread carefully. He bought himself some time by picking up the split wood and placing it neatly in the stack.

“It’s all in the wrist, James,” he finally said, smiling when James laughed. So far so good. He’d get another round in before doling out his next pearl of wisdom.

James stuck another block on and Kaidan eyed it. Easy peasy. This time he kept half an eye on James and was pleased to see him following Kaidan’s action, where he held the axe, how he swung, how he shifted his grip as the blade came down.

The next round was a good one: a couple of knots on top and one branch trimmed close to the bark. Kaidan moved the wood, getting it where he wanted it.

“Knots can be a real pain in the ass,” he said before swinging the axe down, avoiding all the knots. The wood split easily. He repeated the action once more then glanced at James. His arms were folded and his brows drawn in. Then he shook himself from his concentration and hefted a massive round onto the stump.

“Let’s see you split this one,” he said, chest puffed out in challenge.

Kaidan wasn’t fazed. He knew what James would try and do: split it right down the middle. The temptation was there, but with a round this big, that wouldn’t work. Instead, he chipped around the edges, splitting the log into smaller and smaller pieces till there was no more to split. James helped him stack the wood then grabbed the axe.

“You look tired. My turn.” James picked a decent sized round, one with a couple of knots, dumped it on the stump.

Kaidan acquiesced and stepped back. He watched where James gripped the axe, pleased that he’d matched Kaidan’s action. He smiled at James’ slight hesitation, his step to the left, before bringing the axe down. The wood split with a crack, one third falling to the ground. One more swing–right where Kaidan would’ve planted it–split the remaining two thirds.

James continued to split the rounds while Kaidan replenished the stump and cleared the wood. Only once did James miss the mark, getting the blade stuck in the wood. Far better rate than before though. And only once did Kaidan subtly point out a good place to hit a particularly gnarly piece.

Kaidan smiled to himself, a pang of pride gripping his heart. James learned quicker by watching for himself than being told what to do, and he’d picked up the technique quickly, like Kaidan knew he would. He turned to face the house, saw Shepard grinning through the window, giving two thumbs up. He replied with a thumbs up of his own.

“What are you two talking about?” James asked a little defensively.

Shit. Caught. “Uh, Shepard’s being rude. I think all this hard work is turning her on.” He wiped his brow, lowered his voice a notch. “Maybe we should head in, let her help clean us up.”

For a moment he thought James was going to drop the axe and race him inside. Instead, he leant it against the stump and put another round on top.

“Nah, you go ahead. I’m in the zone. Gonna finish this pile.” James set to work, ignoring Kaidan.

Well, that was unexpected. James, turning down sex so he could chop wood? All this clean air must’ve been getting to him. Kaidan shrugged and headed inside. Shepard greeted him with a hot mug of tea and a smirk. The couple settled back by the window, watching as James made his way through the wood pile. No wincing this time.


	17. Waiting out the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 24 October 2014

“…Fine. We’ll wait it out.” Shepard stomped over to where James and Kaidan stood in the middle of an empty prefab. Storm raging outside, buffeting the walls. “Cortez can’t get in. We’re stuck for the time being.” Shepard groused, kicking a chair.

“I’ll run an inventory, check out supplies,” Kaidan said, heading off to make a start.

“Is this gonna be one of those times where we need to snuggle up close to share body heat? You know, so we don’t freeze?” James voiced it in such terms as to make it clear that really they probably should, just to be on the safe side.

Shepard put her hands on her hips. “You got a problem with the climate control on your armour, Lieutenant?”

“I–ah, no, it’s fine. Ma’am,” James stammered, blushing pink. Boy was he glad he still had his helmet on.

Kaidan’s voice crackled over the comm. “Commander, you might wanna check this out.”

Shepard waved James over as she followed Kaidan to a side door at the back of the unit. James followed, like the well trained marine he was.

“It’s not much but at least we can get some rest,” Kaidan joined them at the doorway. Two single beds lined the wall. Still made up, hospital folds crisp, pillows fluffed. “I’ll take first shift. You two relax.” He made to leave but Shepard held out her hand.

“I don’t think so, Major. Your biotics got a workout today. Time for a recharge.” Shepard turned to James. “And you. You just look like shit. No, don’t argue.” Then she was gone.

Silence settled over the room as the two men took their helmets off and detached their weapons. James took a peek of himself in the reflection of his visor. Don’t look  _that_ shit, he thought. A bit crusty but nothing–

“Hey, Lieutenant,” Kaidan waved his hand in front of James’ glazed eyes. “You gonna help me shift these beds?”

“Huh?”

Kaidan pointed at the two beds. “The beds. Let’s move them together so we can huddle for warmth.”

James stared at Kaidan. Those big brown eyes stared back at him. Shit, he’s serious. If only they didn’t need a look out. Would’ve been perfect if Shepard was here, too. The three of them would fit… A moment of indecision caught James, the slight shift of his jaw, the start of a blush creeping hot up his neck.

Kaidan saw it. His lips curled into a smirk and the corners of his eyes crinkled. Then he snorted, slapped James on the shoulder before settling back on the bed he’d claimed as his. “Too easy, LT.”

No way James could say he was cold now as the blush flooded his face, making his hair prickle with sweat from the sudden rush of heat. Wished that helmet was on his head and not on the bed.

“Fuck you, Major.” He slumped down, uncomfortable in his armour. Huffed, pissed at himself for falling for the joke. That it was a joke. The frame squeaked as he wiggled and turned, almost masking the quiet,  _one day_ , from his squad mate just an arm’s length away.

James didn’t dare hope.


	18. James’ beard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 24 October 2014

James tried to grow a beard like Kaidan’s, just to prove to himself that he could do it. And he did. Just, took a little longer than Kaidan’s would.

He stood proud, letting Shepard scratch her fingers though it, soaked up her appreciative coos.

“You’re getting old, James.”

“Huh?”

She hummed, contemplative. “Strange. You’re younger than me and I don’t have any greys.”

James snapped his eyes to Shepard. “I do not have grey in my beard.”

“Yeah you do, right here,” she tickled the spot and James battered her away, rubbing his jaw.

“That’s it! I’m shaving it off!” He stormed out to the bathroom.

Shepard called out behind him. “James, no! Come back, you’re gorgeous. Maybe it’s more blond than grey.” She leant against the door frame as he squeezed shaving cream onto his hand. “Come on, James. Nothing wrong with a bit of grey. Or… blond. It’s definitely blond.”

He glared at her, brushing the cream on.

“Just. Forget I ever said anything.” She smiled so sweetly at him that he paused in his lathering.

She took the opportunity to saunter over, take the brush from his hand. “Anyway. Grey hair’s a sign of wisdom. That you’re an elder and people should listen to what you have to say.” She picked up his washcloth, ran it over one cheek. “And I know how much you love attention.” Rinsed the cloth, wiped under his chin. “So. Will you let me lavish attention on you?”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 20 October 2014  
> why

I saw a prompt in my scrolling but can’t remember where. But it was, how would your OC react if their name was spelled wrong on their Starbucks cup? Here’s the shenga otp:

James:  
“Jamz. With a z. What the fuck. Not even an e! That’s like, you can’t even pronounce it right without the e.”

Kaidan:  
Doesn’t even say anything. Just sighs. There’s James’ missing e. Right where the second ‘a’ should be.

Shepard:  
“Shepherd! I’m not a fucking sheep herder! It’s Shep-ard. Like Picard. Another great captain.”

“I dunno Lola, people do flock to you.”

“More like a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Kaidan mutters. He’s still pissed about the e.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 September 2014

**transpathfinder asked: kindness and pride for anything Shenga!**

Even when they’re angry at each other—over something serious or stupid—they (almost) never deny each other simple kindness.

Shepard will leave the coffee machine on for when the other two wake up even if she’s too pissed to actually make them a coffee.

Kaidan will rest a hand on a shoulder or back in passing. An acknowledgement that while he can’t speak right now, he’s working up to it.

James will leave the house, go for a run or the gym, knowing his bad mood takes up as much room as he does. He’ll come back when he’s calm enough to talk.

**  
Shepard’s so proud of her men. She sees the effect of Kaidan’s hard work in improving the positive visibility of biotics in the Alliance. He hasn’t let his own limitations hold him back and his quiet fight against prejudice has resulted in strong, disciplined biotics who garner respect from their squads, human and alien alike.

She’s never been more proud of James than when she stood before him and stuck that N7 badge on his chest at the induction ceremony. Finally: Commander James Vega with his own squad, running his own missions, getting his own ship, even. She’d seen his potential for leadership early on, but had also seen his potential to crash and burn. It’s with a little pride in herself that she thinks she helped steer him in the right direction.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 16 September 2014  
> HC dump

As much as he enjoys getting his hands dirty, Kaidan’s nerves are frayed by the end of the war. He almost lost Shepard to the Crucible, almost lost James to self-destruction. So he heads up that biotics programme again, scouting talent, training, doing paperwork, teaching. But he’s not tied to the desk or the classroom; he still likes action, just in a more controlled environment. He leads a fair share of ground exercises and training missions, even live missions. He’ll watch a small squad from the safety of his ship as they infiltrate and/or destroy a target. He gets a rush from that, and sometimes his fingers itch to be the one reaving the bad guy, but he’s proud of what he’s doing for biotics and the respect they’re earning from the Alliance.

By this point, James is N7. He’s away more often than he’s at home. He’s got his own command, his own ship, but he’s not too old to fight worth shit anymore. People try and compare him to Shepard but they have such different command and fighting styles that he doesn’t have a problem creating his own identity. He doesn’t ask for advice from either Shepard or Kaidan that much any more. He’s confident in his ability to make the right decision, even though it might not be the easiest. He’s back to where he was when he was defending Fehl Prime from the Blood Pack: confident, ballsy, quick thinking. Only now he has more experience, more foresight instead of hindsight, and less lingering guilt when things go wrong.

Shepard. Oh Shepard. James and Kaidan casually deflect any hints and suggestions she makes about returning to the field. Instead, she acts as a kind of ambassador or role model for the Alliance within HQ. No public events, just internal talks with Ns and infiltrators, providing inside gossip on Councillors and how to deal with them, being the contact for negotiations with the Krogan and other aliens. When James went to Rio, she got homesick for the past, wanted back out there. But no one wants her in her armour any more. Not even Hackett. She’s more valuable in her dress blues.

After many arguments and fights with James to prove she’s still shit hot, she capitulates and takes a few training roles at Rio (where she hands James his ass in spectacular fashion). She’s well liked by the N ‘kids’, has fun, but she’s bored. It’s not the same as being out there. So James takes her out on one of his missions, under his command. She goes into commander mode, doesn’t obey James’ orders, jeopardises the entire mission. The poor N5 tech who was their third is left listening to a domestic/threats of court martial from two of the most badass and scariest N7s there has ever been. They figure it out, somehow. Kaidan’s probably the mediator.

I don’t know where/how any Spectre stuff gets worked in. Berenice never wanted that and Kaidan always felt like a puppet of Udina. I think they tell the Council to go fuck themselves and just stick with the Alliance. Shepard can get whatever armour, weapons, and tech she wants anyway. Manufacturers clamour for her attention so she can bypass the Council and also the Alliance a lot of the time. James is the main beneficiary of this and he decks his ship, missions, and crew out really nicely.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 September 2014

James having to be the sober driver on their wine tasting tour through France because he’s not all that keen on wine. Kaidan and Shepard get progressively drunk and handsy at each estate, thinking they’re speaking French but actually they’re just speaking English with French accents.

James having to chaperone Kaidan and Shepard while rather sloshed himself through their Mexican tequila and mescal tour because those two just can’t handle the booze. They take the tour to their hotel room and by the end of the night, they’re all licking salt off each other’s necks and sucking limes out from between teeth.

James having to be the sober driver– _again_ –on their whisky distillery tour through Scotland because, whisky,  _bleugh_. Kaidan listens to the guides going on about ‘smoky flavours’ and ‘notes of black currants’ with utmost seriousness, brows drawn in concentration. Shepard listens to the guides and makes up her own descriptions. They become more outrageous the more she drinks.

The three of them getting blind drunk on the homemade vodka supplied by the attendants on their nostalgic Trans-Siberian train trip so they miss their stop at Lake Baikal and wake up halfway to China.

Kaidan teaching James and Shepard how to make cider from the pears and apples at his family’s orchard. They make ten thousand litres and not all of it turns to vinegar.

The three of them chilling out on the verandah at home, feet up on the railings, drinking good old Canadian lager and watching the sun set.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 30 August 2014

“James, Berry. Have you been sleeping in my bed again?” Kaidan leant against the doorway, crossing his arms.

The pair in question turned their heads in unison, meeting his grumpy expression. “Uh…”

“No, don’t even answer that. I know you have. It smells like–like sex stink in there. You’ve got James’ room. Why’d you have to use mine when I’m away?”

“We missed you, Kaidan,” Shepard offered.

“Yeah, didn’t want you to feel left out,” James added.

“If we do it in your room, then it’s kinda like you’re there too,” Shepard said.

Kaidan straightened, features softening. “Oh. That’s… kinda sweet. I think.” He gave them a smile, they replied with innocent smiles of their own. He turned and wandered back to his room.

James nudged Shepard with his elbow. “Hey, did you change the pillowcase after… you know?” he whispered.

“No. Did you?” Shepard replied.

“No. Think he’ll find out?”

Shepard shrugged, about to say more when a cry came from the other end of the house. Kaidan stormed back, brandishing a pillow.

“‘Like I’m with you’, huh?” He chucked it at the pair on the couch. “Whose idea was it?”

Shepard pointed at James while James pointed at Shepard.

Kaidan drew in a deep breath, hands on his hips. “You two.” He left it at that, walked away.

Shepard broke the ensuing silence. “We should go make it up to him. You know, let him know he’s better than his pillow.”

“Think he’ll accept an apology while squished between us?” James asked.

“Bound to,” Shepard replied. She grabbed James’ hand, pulled him off the couch. “Come on, let’s go.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 August 2014

“I’m telling you, I don’t have one!” Shepard batted James’ hand away as it slid up her thigh.

“No way, Lola. You gotta have one. Maybe you’ve been looking in the wrong place. Let me have a proper go.” James gave her his best lascivious grin but she just glared back.

“I know what I’m doing,  _James_. And you’re not the only one to have gone searching.” She glanced at Kaidan, laid a hand on the back of his neck.

“It’s true. She doesn’t have one. Real tragedy.” Kaidan leaned into her touch, lifting his head to kiss her.

James waited for them to break apart before speaking again. “You know what you’re looking for right? Have you tried the finger thing?” He curled his fingers into his fist, beckoning her with his index finger.

“Yes.”

“What about toys?”

“No joy.”

“Positions? Doggy’s supposed to be good.”

“Nothing.”

“Huh.” James was stumped. “You think Cerberus could’ve had one installed.”

Kaidan laughed. “It’s not a button. You can’t just have one wired in.”

Shepard huffed. “I don’t think my sexual pleasure was at the top of the Illusive Man’s agenda.” She ran her hand through James’ hair. “Just means you two have to work a bit harder.” She grinned at each man.

The guys took their cue, James dipping his head between her legs and Kaidan shifting to take a nipple in his mouth. G-spot or not, they knew how to leave Shepard trembling.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 August 2014

Kaidan.  _Kaidan_. Just. Shepard sighed. What right did he have–

“More wine, ma’am?” The waiter hovered, proffering a bottle of the fruity little number that Shepard had been downing all night.

She sculled the rest of her glass and thrust it at him. “Please. Thank you.”

The waiter poured a generous serving then slipped back into the shadows. Shepard’s attention returned to her lover sitting one table over. He was talking to Councilor Tevos and didn’t even look bored.  _Kaidan_. A man with infinite patience. A man with limitless self control. Well, almost limitless. Shepard could do this thing that would have him groaning her name and sparking biotic blue. She smiled, rested her chin on her hand and dreamed. Yeah, later, when they were back home, she’d get him out of those dress blues, get him wearing nothing but his corona…

Another waiter came over and relieved her of her empty plate, licked clean. The real, honest-to-god, grown-in-a-field, flown-from-Earth roast beef was just the sort of thing the Council pulled out for their fancy galas. Something about recognising humanity’s place in the galaxy. Shepard quaffed another mouthful of wine. That was from Earth too. She’d studied the label, scanned it so she’d be able to find it again. It went down easy. Too easy. Her glass settled with a wobble.

Kaidan’s laugh floated over the murmur of the other guests and drew a wistful sigh from Shepard. It turned into a frown when Tevos laughed back, placing her hand on Kaidan’s forearm. But Kaidan’s gaze had turned from the Asari and focussed on Shepard.

Oh. He was just so… Those eyes. So rich and brown, like gravy. She could swim in those pools for days, drown in their salty, beefy depths.

He smiled, just a little, just enough to let Shepard know he hadn’t forgotten about her. She could never forget about him. She made a nod for the door but Tevos–damn her–drew his attention away. He raked his hand through his hair, chuckling at some inane thing she’d probably said. Without thinking about it, Shepard ran her hand through her hair too, pretending she was over on Kaidan’s lap, drawing her fingertips over his scalp. Her hair was fine and red, whereas his was thick and black and going a little grey, especially around the edges. He was like this wine. Started off great and just got better and better as time went on.

She drew a breath through her nose, wishing she could bury her face in his neck and smell him. He’d be all earthy, like the beetroot that’d been served with the beef. He’d taste like sweet dirt and the crinkling of his chest hair under her fingers would be like fried curly kale. And for dessert? Ah, well…

The delights that awaited her became too much. Shepard squirmed in her chair, finished her wine, wiped the dribbles off her mouth with the back of her hand and stood. Then she sat again. The room shifted for a moment, but came right. Slowly this time, bracing her fists on the table, she stood, waited for her brain to catch up, then gingerly made her way over to Kaidan.

“‘scuse me, Councilor,” Shepard interrupted, steadying herself on Kaidan’s shoulders while also displaying her possession of him. “We should go.”

A shadow passed over Tevos’ face, just briefly. “Shepard. You won’t stay for dessert? It should be served soon.”

Shepard shook her head. Oh, that was a bad idea. “No.  _I_  am dessert.” She thumbed her chest, gave Kaidan a lecherous smile.

Hey, why did Kaidan look so horrified? It didn’t matter, he was on his feet, his arm around her waist and turning to the door.

“Councilor, pleasure as always,” he said, dipping his head in deference to her rank. Then to Shepard, “Let’s go. No, that stays here.” He prised the bottle of wine from her hand that she’d just picked up and set it back down.

She let Kaidan half drag, half carry her out to the skycar lot. She squeezed his ass, thinking it felt like those baskets of bread rolls that had been dotted over the tables. Oh, she could dip him in olive oil and vinegar, maybe a bit of dukka…

Kaidan eased her into the passenger’s seat with only a little difficulty, looked down at her with a soft smile. “Hey, Berry, what’s going on? You look like you want to eat me.”

She blinked up at him, her eyes taking a second to focus. “Kaidan. You have no idea.”

He laughed, pulled away and disappeared. Where’d he gone? Oh, there he was, next to her now, setting the autopilot to take them home. The car lifted off the ground, the lurch setting alarm bells off in Shepard’s stomach. The heated look he gave her had them ringing louder.

“Well… you look delicious too, so you can put the cutlery away. We’ll be home soon,” he said.

He leaned in and kissed her–warm, rich, full of promise, just like that wine. She melted into his arms, taking her fill. He was all hers, finally.


	26. Welcome home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 August 2014

Kaidan brought in the last of Shepard’s things and set the bag on the bench. She stood in the living room looking a little lost. The place was bare. Just a couch and a vidscreen. The kitchen was only slightly better; he and James had made sure to furnish it so they could cook for Shepard when they came over.

“So this is home, huh.” She sighed, circling slowly before coming to a stop before Kaidan.

“Yeah, they’re all like this. Just add water, watch ‘em grow military prefabs.” He saw that his attempt to lighten the mood had failed, so he gathered her into a hug, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She still smelled like the hospital she’d left only an hour ago. “Do you need anything?” he asked. He wanted to give her everything.

Shepard pulled back. She gazed up at him with dark, lost eyes. She’d told him so many times how she was looking forward to leaving the hospital, looking forward to living again, developing whatever it was she had with Kaidan and James. But now she just looked sad and disappointed, that perpetual half grin of hers muted. It killed him.

“I know you wanted to go to the orchard,” he said. “And we will, the three of us. But orders are orders…”

“I didn’t save the galaxy just to get bound up in bureaucracy,” she grumbled.

Kaidan sighed. She deserved more that this crappy prefab house in the middle of a hastily developed military base. She deserved a castle for all she’d done for the galaxy, and never ending leave. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be. She’d been out for so long that she didn’t appreciate that Kaidan’d already had his leave and returned to duty. James, too. Neither of them could just bug out, not yet.

Shepard pulled away and wandered around the couch, rubbing her forehead. “I’m tired.”

“You want to rest? Bed’s made, everything’s there for you. I even took the pillows from the captain’s cabin.” Kaidan smiled and made for her again, but pulled back when she shrugged away from him. She shook her head.

He headed to the kitchen. “Food? I stocked up once your discharge notice came through and James has made a whole heap of dinners. They’re in the freezer. I could get–”

“Kaidan!”

Kaidan closed the freezer door and turned to Shepard. She stood there with her hands on her hips, that half grin pulling at her lips again. But she looked a ghost of her former self, so small in her civvies, skin too pale and her body still bent.

“I’ve finally got you all to myself. Let’s go to bed,” she said. She started walking up to him, reaching out for his hand.

“Uh, you want to…”

“Uh huh.” She grinned wide. That smile brought her to life. This was the Shepard he knew and loved. She took his hand in hers and held it on her hip. His fingers curled around the bone. He didn’t need help to move his other hand. She started walking backwards, pulling him with her.

“You sure it’s a good idea? I mean, I don’t want to hurt you. You’re still healing. We can wait–”

Shepard’s finger on his lips stopped him from his ramblings. “I’m done waiting, Kaidan. I’m as healed as I’m going to be and you’re not going to hurt me. Okay?”

“Okay.” He had a million questions running through his head but they’d reached her bedroom and Shepard had unzipped her hoodie and now it lay on the floor, her tee shirt following quickly. He marveled at her skin. It had healed so well, only a few red angry welts left, and they’d disappear in time. All his questions got swallowed up in a fog of lust. Yeah, they didn’t have to wait any more.

“I look good, huh?” she said.

Kaidan tore his eyes away from her chest and met her gaze. He swallowed thickly. “Yeah. Yeah you look amazing.” He lunged for her, gathering her up in his arms and kissing her hard. It wasn’t pretty but he didn’t care. Months of frustration and confusion melted away as he lost himself to her lips. They’d kissed before, in the hospital; gentle goodbye pecks in time turning into passionate until-tomorrows. But they’d always had that sheet between them, always had an audience. James wasn’t the problem–he kissed Shepard too. It was the doctors and nurses and the perpetual fear that they’d walk in as they made their farewells. But they were alone now, just Kaidan and Shepard.

Shepard pushed back, slipping her hands up to his shoulders. Her eyes were dark and her lips kiss-bruised. She tugged at his shirt and he followed her unstated instruction. By the time he’d stripped, she had too. She’d pulled the blanket back and shuffled into bed, grinning as she raked her eyes over his body. Kaidan smiled back and joined her, settling himself in beside her. They lay side by side, facing each other. He knew what to do next, knew what he wanted to do, but Shepard looked shy all of a sudden. Like she was in his arms for the first time, full of unknowns. But they’d done this before.

She pre-empted his question. “I’m fine, Kaidan. Kiss me.”

He kissed her lips, her cheeks, her neck. He took his time, kissing softly, tasting her skin. He slid down and kissed all the smooth unscarred skin he could find. She’d arch under his touch and her fingers dragged through his hair, down his back.

It had been a long time since they’d been like this. Kaidan blinked away the memory of their last night together, their last morning waking up in each other’s arms. They’d only just found that ease with each other as lovers when their world had shattered around them. Alchera had been turning beneath them and then just a few hours later she was gone. The grief, the anger, the frustration, the collectors and the reapers–that was all in the past. None of that mattered any more. They finally had the future to look forward to but right now, he just had Shepard.

“More,” Shepard whispered, her hands splayed over his skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Yeah, more. Kaidan wanted more. Didn’t know how much he’d needed this until he found himself here, now.

He gave her everything he could. Everything that he’d been wanting to give her for so long. He didn’t hold back as he lost himself to her, the sound of her moans, the smell of her sex, her palms brushing up his back, fingertips digging into his shoulder.

“Open your eyes, Kaidan.”

He forced his eyes open, forced himself to meet her gaze. Her eyes so blue, like the corona sparking around him, enveloping them both. He trembled as tipped over the edge, Shepard holding him tight, pulling him down on top of her. Still his body shook as she held him against her, her fingers raking through his hair, her hand rubbing broad circles over his back, her voice whispering calming words as he came down from the high.

Finally spent, Kaidan flopped back, his arm around Shepard as she snuggled into his shoulder. Whatever it was they had now, it wouldn’t be the same as what they’d had back then. While this had been a welcome home between just him and Shepard, it wouldn’t always be like that. The questions flooded in. He didn’t know how it would work with James. They’d make it work, the three of them. Somehow. But right now, Shepard was his. She was home, safe at last.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 August 2014  
> Part of a longer fic I never managed to finish

Kaidan and James’ first time together, properly together without Shepard happens when Shepard’s off-planet.

James comes back one night from an on-base training exercise the worse for wear. Kaidan turns when he hears the front door close, frowns at the slow clomp of boots. He frowns even more when James comes into sight. He’s still in his armour. It’s covered in mud and grass. There’s a wide graze up the shoulder piece like he’d gone for a slide down a rock. His bottom lip is split, blood oozing and smeared down his chin. His left eye socket’s a swollen purple mess. He’s sweat drenched and stinking.

“Shit, James. What’s happened? Why didn’t you clean up at the barracks?” Kaidan drops what he’s doing and leads James by the hand to the bathroom. He follows in an unusual stony silence. Kaidan pops the seals and removes each piece of armour. James remains silent, except when the shoulder piece is removed; then he winces. Kaidan notices blood on his glove and suspects that there’s more to this than just a tough day at the office. James shucks his undersuit, Kaidan helping his arms and legs out, lets Kaidan shove him under the shower head. There’s a nasty bruise on his shoulder turning his cross-hatched tattoo into a solid block of purply black.

While James makes a half hearted attempt to wash the grime off, Kaidan fusses about, gathering the banged up armour, finding medi-gel, clean clothes. He comes back with James’ favourite pyjama pants, the pink ones with ‘Blasto’ written in turquoise, stamped at jaunty angles over the fabric. James doesn’t even smile. Whatever happened must’ve been serious. He dries himself off well enough, stumbles into the pants. Kaidan flips the toilet lid down, sits James down, hands firm but gentle. He leans in to inspect the cut on his lip first, holding James’ head steady, running his thumb around the cut, dabbing away the rest of the blood. It’s nothing serious, nothing that some gel and time won’t heal. Would probably heal without scarring, if James had the self discipline to keep his tongue and teeth off it.

James sighs and closes his eyes while Kaidan smears gel over the cut. Their knees knock. Kaidan mumbles an apology. James replies by opening his legs, putting his hands on Kaidan’s ass and pulling him into the gap. Kaidan sucks in a breath but complies, eyes snapping to James’; they’re still closed. He doesn’t miss the slight smile though. It turns into a wince as Kaidan directs his attention to the bruising around James’ left eye. Those hazel eyes crack open to meet brown. James keeps his gaze on Kaidan as Kaidan prods and rubs gel onto the bruising. They’re acutely aware of how close they are to each other. It’s not like they haven’t been this close before, but there’s a tension that’s not normally there. They grin as their eyes meet every so often. James’ hands are still on Kaidan’s ass, fingertips squeezing gently when Kaidan touches a sore spot.

When he’s done, Kaidan slips the tube of gel into his pocket, cups the back of James’ head, and dips in for a soft kiss, carefully avoiding the side with the split. James returns it with a bit more force, his hands kneading Kaidan’s ass and thighs.

“Bed. Come on.” James’ voice is thick and raspy

He’s in a rush but Kaidan puts a hand on his chest, slows him down. Kaidan strips down while James shuffles back on the bed. There’s no need to hurry. He wants to explore James in his own time. So they take their time to just feel each other, run hands and lips over skin. It’s kind of new for both of them. Their attention is usually so focussed on Shepard that they don’t always pay that much attention to each other. James can’t stop running his fingers through Kaidan’s chest hair. He keeps toying with that trail that leads from the navel, south.

Kaidan’s taken by just how muscular James is. Sure, he watches him work out, watches him show off, he’s touched that body, been held with those arms. But when he really takes the time to run his fingers under his pecs, over the grooves of his abs, down his iliac furrow, it’s then that Kaidan realises he’s got a good thing going.

James tries to kiss Kaidan again but Kaidan warns him against reopening his lip, so he nuzzles him with his nose instead. They bring each other off, Kaidan’s hand in James’ Blasto pjs; James’ hand on Kaidan. He wants more but he still doesn’t know what’s going on in James’ head. But James lets him pull him in close, allows Kaidan to wrap his arms around protectively. Kaidan’s shoulder becomes a pillow, his arms, a blanket. It’s an odd reversal of their usual position, but Kaidan likes being the protector for once.

“You want to tell me what happened?” Kaidan asks.

James shakes his head. “Nuh uh.”

He’ll find out sooner or later. Just not now.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 August 2014

Kaidan doesn’t swear all that often. Not like Shepard and James. When he does utter a sentence with that one magic word, you know you’re in for it.

“Fuck me,” he says to Shepard. She grins and pounces on him, they come together with a clash, making a hell of a racket. Afterwards, when they’re lying in each other’s arms, they laugh like lunatics.

“I’m gonna fuck you,” he says to James. James pales. That’s when he knows Kaidan won’t hold back. Controlled, precise Kaidan Alenko, tearing James apart. Piece by piece.


	29. Winter nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 30 July 2018

Kaidan dreamt he was being crushed. He couldn’t move, but he wasn’t scared. He was covered in kittens. Really heavy kittens. Their fur tickling his nose, his sides. One landed heavily on a rather delicate part of him and he jerked awake. And just like his dream, he was stuck, pinned to the bed. But he wasn’t covered in kittens.

He couldn’t really tell which limbs belonged to which person. All he knew was that both Shepard and James were trying to get as close to him as possible. There wasn’t an inch of him that wasn’t covered by another human. He managed to wrest an arm free and patted hair away from his nose.

Must be a cold night if the limpets were stuck this tight. He groped around, managed to find the blanket halfway down James’ back, so he pulled it up. He checked Shepard’s side, finding it had slipped too. As he settled it around her shoulder, James grunted and kicked his feet, jabbing Kaidan and yanking the blanket down in the process.

Kaidan sighed. If those two just put on some pyjamas, they wouldn’t get so cold. Was this all his biotics were good for? Turning him into a human hot water bottle? Could be worse, he supposed.

Talking at them like they were awake, he told them to roll over–no Shepard, not that way. He rolled her back over so she’d face away from him. He backed up into the curve of James’ chest and legs, shifting James’ arm up so it wouldn’t get squashed between them. Then he pulled Shepard in. They fitted together best this way and it was the most efficient way to share his body heat.

The two on either side of him shifted and wiggled, getting comfortable and making soft little huffs. Yeah, could definitely be worse he thought as he drifted back off. He was allergic to kittens.


	30. Summer nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 28 July 2014

The clock read 3.05 am. James gave up trying to sleep. He’d thrown the sheet off hours ago, shucked his boxers even.

He lay on his back, shifting his legs, trying to find a cool patch. Nothing but sticky, damp sheets. Kaidan radiated heat next to him. The man never cooled down. That was great on cold winter nights, but in the middle of summer? Not so much. He shuffled to the left some more, flipping his pillow in the process. His fingers trailed off the edge of the bed. Hang on. If Kaidan’s on his right, and James is now on the edge, then where’s Shepard? He groped around, not finding her. He cast his eye around the room, searching for her in the gloom. Then he heard a splash, just a faint noise out the open window.

Peeling himself out of bed, he padded over to the window and leant out. It was just as hot outside as it was in. No breeze. The moon was bright though, casting a white glow over the back yard. He heard the splash again, followed it. He grinned.

He didn’t bother to put boxers on, didn’t even grab his towel. Just tiptoed down the stairs, careful to avoid the third one from the bottom, knowing it creaked like a reaper beam.

The grass cooled his fiery feet. He could just lie down here and sleep on the lawn. But the quiet splashes spurred him on.

“Hey Lola,” he said. She looked up at him and grinned, flicked water at him. He was surprised it didn’t sizzle right off his chest. He didn’t even ask if he could join her, he just stepped into the paddling pool.

“Couldn’t sleep either, huh?” She asked.

James didn’t answer, He sunk down, covering as much of himself as he could in the knee deep water. Dios, the relief was instant.

“Thought B.C. was supposed to be, you know, a frozen wasteland. This is fuckin’ loco.” He said. He scooped the water in his hands, sluiced his chest.

“It’s summer, dick.” Shepard laughed.

“Those mountains’ve got snow! Not even California gets it this bad.”

The two lapsed into silence, just swishing the water around. The moon dipped behind a tree. A few stars twinkled, but it was too light to make out any constellations. James leant back, resting his head on the edge of the inflatable pool. His eyes drifted shut.

“Lola. You’ll wake me before I drown, no?”

No reply. He cracked an eye open. She lay back too, her eyes closed. He grabbed her hand, able to hold on now, not like in bed when it’d been like touching an element. He closed his eyes again, drifted off.

*

Kaidan woke to confusion. His mother was knocking, asking if she could come in. He pulled the sheet up, called her in.

She poked her head around the door, face drawn.

“What’s wrong, ma? What’s happened?” Kaidan looked around, rubbing sleep out his eyes. The bed was empty.

“Your companions could do with a wake up call, but I think it would be better if it came from you.” She looked concerned but she sounded amused.

“What? Where are they?”

Ada pointed out to the window.

He didn’t understand what that meant. All he knew was that he needed some pants before he could think properly. “Okay. Okay, I’ll deal with it. Just, give me a minute.”

Ada left and Kaidan flopped back down. Hey, it was hot. And early. Oh six hundred. But bright, too. The sun streamed in the window. It would be another scorcher. They’d have to head to the beach again, maybe go out in the boat.

Kaidan pulled on a pair of boxers and looked out the window. Oh. Okay. It was a good thing they didn’t have any close neighbours. Both Shepard and James lay asleep in the paddling pool, completely naked and oblivious to the sun creeping its way up the sky.

He grinned, shot downstairs and outside. He could tap them on the shoulder, could even bring them lemonade. Or… it was evil, but he’d do it anyway.

*

Shepard spluttered awake, splashing around as cold water hit her face, her shoulders. She slipped, dunking herself and landing in James’ lap. He slid out from under her, bellowing a curse and splashing even more. Laughter filtered through her blocked ears… Kaidan.

She wiped the water out from her eyes, caught him grinning at her. She only had a second to register the hose in his hand before another spray hit her.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 28 July 2014

If he were being honest, James was kind of disappointed when he first saw Shepard in action. He’d heard the talk, read her record, seen the vids. She was one bad-ass marine that you Did Not Mess With. He thought she’d be up front leading the charge, blowing heads off and slashing at guts. But on Mars she’d quietly sent him forward with Major Alenko while she hid behind a rock, fiddling with the scope on her mantis.

Disappointment turned to confusion as three Cerberus agents fell in quick succession. The only sound, them landing on the ground with a thud. It happened so fast, he hadn’t even had a chance to prime a grenade, let alone loose off a shot of his own. And then they were all down. Major Alenko stared back towards her rock, muttering under his breath.

“Shit, Commander. You even need us here?” James asked, grinning. He watched her jog up to them, hefting that rifle like it weighed nothing.

“I got lucky. Keep your eyes open. I’ll cover your ass the best I can but don’t get complacent.” Her hard stare turned his guts to jelly.

“Yes ma’am.” He pulled himself straighter, dared a glance in Alenko’s direction. The Major met his eye, shook his head slightly. Whether it was from disdain or sympathy, James couldn’t tell.

*

In time James learned that Shepard didn’t ‘get lucky’. She made her luck. And he really appreciated having her cover his ass. Her style wasn’t bold and in your face, not like his. It was quiet, calculated. If she did her job properly, the enemy would die without even knowing they were in trouble. James couldn’t tell if that was good or bad. If he were to die in battle, he’d at least want to go out knowing he’d had a fighting chance.

But still, seeing her nail those mail slots? He’d never get sick of watching those.


	32. James and Kaidan walk into a casino…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22 July 2014

They look good. They  _know_ they look good. Both men wear their smirks like they wear their suits: Crisp. Clean. Dangerous. They both stand with their backs straight, though they’re doing a good job of affecting nonchalance with their hands in their pockets as they survey the casino floor, scoping out potential victims.

James spots someone. A salarian. He’s got one shaky hand holding his cards, the other one rubbing one of the horns on his head. Must be nerves. James watches for a bit. The salarian’s good, but not great. He likes a challenge. He’s not interested in fleecing someone who was gonna lose all their money anyway.

There’s someone else at the table who’s got a big stack of chips by his hand. Human. He’s got a booming laugh and an expensive drink. They can smell his cigar smoke from here. Cocky bastard. They get closer, just watching. The guy cleans out the salarian and the alien drops his head, dejected. Kaidan almost feels sorry for him. James doesn’t. They share a glance and a nod.

“Evening, gentlemen,” James says. “Mind if we join you?” He addresses the human since he looks like the ringleader of this little game.

The human eyes James, looks him up and down. James knows he looks like one of the bouncers, but he’s dressed like a highroller. The human gives gives a sideways nod, indicates a free seat with a wave of his hand. The cigar smoke leaves a trail.

“Not your friend though. Had enough of pussies for one day.” The human scowled at Kaidan.

Kaidan had affected his bumbling idiot routine. It worked well. James would provide the bravado, the outrageous raises, dangerous bets. Kaidan would mumble and frown and run his hands through his hair. But boy did he know how to bluff. He stood there now, wide eyed, biting his lip.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” Kaidan says. “I know how to play. Been practicing, you see. First time on the floor. I’m so excited.”

James rolls his eyes, shakes his head at the human as if to say, ‘This guy. What a joke. He made me bring him.’

The human seems to sense easy pickings from the rich idiot and tells the penniless salarian to scram.

Kaidan takes his place and beams at the other players at the table. There’s a volus, a batarian, two turians and, with James and Kaidan now, three humans.

The human passed the cards to James, lets him deal the first round. James makes a show of it, bending the deck and flicking the cards together. He deals the cards with a slight flick of the wrist and curses when he sees what a crap hand he’s dealt himself. But they never cheat. They don’t need to cheat. They’re that good.

The human gives a half laugh at the cards he’s been dealt. Starts high. Kaidan follows eagerly. To an outsider, it doesn’t look like he knows what he’s doing. But he does. Oh yes. James folds on his turn. He’s not worried. This is just the start.

Bets placed, cards are shown. The human has a good hand. Kaidan ums and ahs.

He flips his hand over, nervously, looking to the human. “That’s good, right? I trump you? Snap?”

The human huffs, takes a drag on his cigar and a pull on his whisky. “Lucky start,” he mutters.

*

Three hours later and the human has been cleared out. The volus had lost it all two hours ago, the batarian not long after. The two turians clung on but couldn’t pick themselves out of the crater James had made for them.

Kaidan scooped the chips to his chest. “Hey! Hey James! Look! I won, can you believe it? Shit. This is easy. Hey, you wanna celebrate with me? Let’s get wings. Or ribs. Ribs and wings! I’m buying.”

The human fumed. Looked like that cigar smoke would start coming out his ears.

James stood, shaking his head at the human. “Sorry. Beginner’s luck. I’ll leave him at home next time,” he mumbled. He flicked a consolation chip at the human and dragged Kaidan–and all his winnings–away.

*

Once they’d cashed up and made sure the human wasn’t about to do something he’d regret, the pair headed to the bar. With a single malt for Kaidan and a mescal for James, they clink glasses. They congratulate each other and those smirks return.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 July 2014

When she’s drunk, Shepard forgets that the relationship she has with Hackett isn’t as chummy as the one she had with Anderson. One night, as the three are making their farewells at a military gala, she slings her arm around Hackett’s shoulder and says, “Steven. I just want to thank you for giving me the best sex of my life.” (God, she’s a worse drunk than Kaidan)

The three men freeze, staring at each other. They don’t know what to say or even what the fuck Shepard means.

“Because of you calling James away for some stupid poxy backwater mission all those months ago– you remember the one, James? With the slavers and that krogan. Anyway, because you called him away and because Kaidan had to go take his kids to the jungle and teach them how to peel bananas with their minds or some shit, I was gonna be left all alone. But! It was okay! These two lovely gentlemen,” she points to Kaidan and James, more or less, “gave me a damn good fuck–both of them! But not at the same time. We’re not that kinky. So I wouldn’t forget them. And, my god. It’s only gotten better. Right guys?”

James is bright pink, standing stock still. Kaidan opens and closes his mouth like a stunned fish. Hackett pulls away from Shepard and stares right back at her, into her glassy eyes and her lopsided grin. Slowly, so slowly, at glacier pace, his lips turn up, a small smirk.

“Get out of here,” he rasps.

“Yes sir,” Kaidan and James say, both saluting because they’re so confused and think they’re about to be court-martialed.

Shepard remembers none of it. But the others. They  _know_.


	34. Spoons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 July 2014

“Shepard. Berry. You still awake?” Kaidan’s whisper drifted into Shepard’s sleep addled consciousness.

She grunted.

He seemed to take this as a ‘yes’. “Can we move? We don’t tessellate like this.”

Shepard frowned, uncomprehending. “What?”

“Like this, James, you, me. We don’t tessellate. Don’t fit together. It’s annoying me.”

“What?” She repeated. She understood what all the words meant on their own, but together they made no sense.

Kaidan sighed, collecting his thoughts. “Uh, how about this. James is the dessert spoon, I’m the soup spoon, and you’re the teaspoon. We’re sleeping the wrong way around. You, the teaspoon, you’re stuck in the middle. You don’t fit properly.”

“I don’t wanna be a tea spoon,” she protested. “I’m not that small.”

Kaidan huffed. “Fine. You can be… you can be a soup spoon from another set. But, can we move? We need to be in order.”

She still didn’t understand the reasoning but she understood the request easily enough. Without saying anything, she climbed over Kaidan as he shuffled under her, their movements not ruffling slumbering James in the slightest.

“That’s better,” Kaidan said, slipping his arm around Shepard and pulling her in close against his chest. “The cutlery has to be in the right order. It’s very important.”

He must still be drunk. That was the only possible explanation for the nonsense coming out of his mouth.

“Kaidan. No more mescal, okay? Go to sleep.”

“Yes ma’am.”

_~Ten minutes later~_

“Shepard. Hey, Shep. You awake?”

“What do you want Kaidan? More cutlery? A knife? ‘Cause I’m gonna stab you–”

“No. No nothing like that. I… I need to pee.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 23 June 2014

“Looking good James!” Shepard yelled.

“Yeah, second that. You need me to rub sun cream on your back?” Kaidan added.

James paused, leant his weight on the pick axe stuck in the ground and stared back at the couple reclining on deck chairs sipping on tall glasses filled with ice and booze. He gave them the middle finger before continuing his work.

Shepard laughed. “That’s no way to address a superior officer.”

“Kiss my superior ass, ma’am,” he yelled back, grinning.

They lapsed back into silence, James swinging away at the rock, Shepard and Kaidan laying back and enjoying the view.

“You know we could just plant a load of depth charges and blow that rock loose,” Kaidan said, voice low so his words wouldn’t carry to James. “Be a hell of a lot easier than hacking it with an axe.”

Shepard lowered her sunglasses and fixed Kaidan with a stare. “And deprive us of watching a shirtless sweaty James toiling away all afternoon? I don’t think so.”

“Huh. You make a good point. More gin for your tonic?” He passed the bottle over.

“Why thank you, Major.”

“Any time, Commander.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 June 2014

“Hey hey, hey Bee. Can I call you Bee? ‘Cause you taste like honey.” Kaidan winks. Or, tries to. It’s more of a wonky blink. He should’ve learned by now not to match James drink for drink.

“Oh ho, Major! That’s bad. Worse than my pickup lines.” James laughs.

“I got a sting in my tail, too Kaidan. Don’t push your luck.” Berenice hated being called ‘Bee’. Well, that wasn’t quite true. She had nothing against the word, just the stupid bee jokes.

Kaidan’s serious all of a sudden. “No, no no no. You can’t sting anyone Bee–Berenice. Bees die! They die when they sting something! You can’t die on me again. Promise me.”

“I promise, Kaidan. I won’t sting you.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

*


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 14 June 2014

“Hey hey. Hey.” Kaidan turned to face Berenice and James. He stared blankly at them until his vision caught up. “Oh, there you are. Hey,” he blinked in surprise, then grinned.

“Hey Kaidan,” Shepard replied. She held an arm out, just to steady him. “You having a good time?”

“Uh huh. Good mescal, James.” He frowned, eyeing James. He pointed at James, moving forward inch by inch until he poked the man in question. Contact established, the hand shifted left, pointing, hitting air. “There’s only one of you.”

“Major, you’ve had waaay too much to drink,” James laughed.

“If there’s only one of you, why the ‘s’?” Kaidan asked.

James and Shepard shared a confused glance. Kaidan picks up on it, somehow.

“James. ‘S’. Pural. Not Jame. James. More than one Jame.” He explained, poking James again. “But there’s only one of you. What did you do to the other Jame?”

Shepard bit her top lip, trying not to laugh. James just gaped at Kaidan. He held his ground though, waiting for an answer, swaying slightly.

“Definitely too much to drink. Come on, off to bed.” She hopped off the stool, took his arm to lead him away.

James joined her, taking his other arm. Kaidan followed, forgetting all about the missing Jameses.

“You. Berenice Shepard. We should go to Nice, you know, in France. Like your name. It would be bere-nice,” Kaidan laughed, doubling over at the brilliance of his pun. “Get it? Very nice? Its a double hitter!”

Shepard sighed the sigh of the long suffering partner. The love was there, but so was the exasperation.

“I thought it was pretty good,” James whispered.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 26 May 2014  
> AU where they get together in game, i guess.

“Shepard, can it wait? We don’t really have time for this.”

Shepard ignored Kaidan, tapped a few keys on the flickering terminal and the grinned when the door lock shone red. James was already snapping his armour off.

Kaidan continued, “we haven’t even finished clearing the station! Cerberus is right out there.”

“Doesn’t matter, Major.” Shepard said, armour clattering to the floor.

James wasn’t wasting time with words. He was now out of his undersuit too, chest against Shepard’s back, helpfully unzipping her suit.

“What about Cortez? He’s waiting for us on the landing pad.” Kaidan now stood as the odd one out: the only one still in his armour.

“I’m sure he’s got a book or something stowed away,” Shepard huffed, James on his knees, face buried between her legs, hands exploring her back.

“You gonna join in or not?” She asked, voice wavering at the end as she sucked in a sharp breath, let out a long moan. That had Kaidan yanking his armour off. Well, he wasn’t going to let James have all the fun, after all.


	39. 30 teeny fics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 May 2014-21 May 2014

1\. Fingertips

Shepard runs her fingertips through Kaidan’s hair while Kaidan skates his fingertips over James’ back. James sinks the fingers of one hand into Shepard and strokes Kaidan’s cock with his other. They all shudder at the same time.

2\. Acceptance

Kaidan and James have no choice but to accept Shepard’s decision return to active duty. They can both see that she’s crumbling under the tedium of Alliance deskwork and know she’s happiest with her armour on and her Vindicator strapped to her back. That doesn’t make it any easier though.

3\. Hurt

It hurts the most when one of them has to leave. There’s that risk that they might not come back and it shoots incendiary rounds through their hearts. But they all know the risks. They have to say their goodbyes at home, because it’s not becoming of a soldier to bawl their eyes out at the docks.

4\. Game

Sometimes James folds even when he has a good hand, just to let Kaidan feel that thrill of winning. Then, when Kaidan’s up, James will fleece him for all he’s worth. James can be a real prick.

5\. Lips

Kaidan kisses a soft trail over Shepard’s belly while James sucks on her nipple. Shepard pulls at her bottom lip with her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut.

6\. Irritable

James needs space when he’s cranky; it’s like poking an angry bear otherwise. Kaidan can be distracted out a bad mood with tea and a patient listener. Shove chocolate in Shepard’s mouth and it’s like giving a baby a bottle: instant calm.

7\. Blush

James likes to make Kaidan blush at the most inappropriate of times. It’s quite easy. All he has to do is whisper the filthy things he wants do to him and Shepard and Kaidan’ll go bright pink and shuffle his chair further under the table so no one can see the effect James’ words have on him.

8\. Stress

Teaching can be stressful, but James is on hand to rub the tension out of Kaidan’s body.

Combat can be stressful, but Shepard is there to keep James cool.

Dealing with the Council can be stressful, but Kaidan butts in before Shepard says something she’ll regret.

9\. Trying

James is trying his best not to blow but it’s hard when he’s got his dick in Shepard and Kaidan’s dick in his ass. Shepard’s trying not to moan too loud but the double shudder of Kaidan slamming into James and James slamming into her is all too much. Kaidan has no trouble keeping it together because he’s good like that.

10\. Roses

Shepard thinks roses are an old fashioned way of showing someone you care about them. A new ablative coating for your loved one’s armour is a much more practical way of saying ‘I care.’ That doesn’t stop her from grinning like an idiot when James comes home one day with a bunch of red, white, and black roses. It may be old fashioned, but it sure is more romantic.

11\. Goosebumps

They’re walking back to their car after a night out and James drapes his coat over Shepard’s shoulders when he notices her shivering. Kaidan pouts, saying he’s cold too. James disputes this, something about “biotics running hot.” But Kaidan turns on the puppy eyes and James has no choice but to shuck his sweatshirt and chuck it at Kaidan. He’s such a sucker.

12\. Chocolate

Shepard will share almost anything of hers except chocolate. It’s hers. All hers. No one else can have any. Not even her lovers.

13. Dancing

Kaidan’s grinning like a fool. It’s because Shepard’s never looked happier or more beautiful. James is leading her around the ballroom floor and she’s matching him step for step. They come to a stop in front of Kaidan and he picks up where James left off. And now it’s James grinning like a fool as he watches his partners spin and twirl.

14\. Teeth

Kaidan doesn’t show his teeth when he smiles; some throwback to having braces as a kid and hating it. Shepard grins like a loon, showing off a full set of straight white teeth. They came courtesy of Cerberus. James had a premolar knocked out when the mako landed on him in London. He wears that gap like it’s another scar, tongues it and remembers how lucky he is to still be here.

15\. Garden

James and Shepard can’t be bothered with this gardening shit. All Shepard’ll do is mow the lawn while James will point out where she’s missed. Kaidan plants a triple-grafted apple tree in the middle of the lawn to remind him of home.

16\. Snow

James isn’t used to this shit. Sure, he’s fought on cold, snowy planets but he’s always worn his climate controlled armour. He doesn’t understand why Kaidan and Shepard are shrieking with delight as they throw snowballs at each other. The only thing he likes about snow is what happens after: stripping out of cold wet clothes and warming up in front of the roaring fire.

17\. Dinner

Kaidan’s big on fusion cuisine. That’s what happens when you’ve got Singaporean and Canadian blood in you. He can make the craziest (yet absolutely delicious) things with little more than bacon, maple syrup, a handful of spices and bee hoon noodles. James gets kinda jealous so Shepard subtly hints that he should make breakfast so his feelings don’t get hurt.

18\. Family

James hasn’t had a mother since he was a kid. Now he has two, dios mio. Hannah Shepard chews him out for a sloppy salute but dumps an extra helping of garlicky mashed potatoes on his plate. Ma Alenko has him rearrange the furniture in the living room, then sweetens his lemonade with honey. He didn’t know just how much he missed having a mother until he hugged these two small women tight and promised to look after their children.

19\. Crying

Shepard can’t breathe. She’s on the floor, clutching her sides–muscles aching, lungs burning– trying to suck in deep breaths, tears streaming down her face. James keeps poking her with his foot while Kaidan looms over her, asking her if she can sign him on as another Spectre in his best Conrad Verner voice. She hasn’t laughed ‘till she cried in, oh, a good couple of days.

20\. Anger

James’ temper was one of the things that pissed Kaidan off at the start. And then Shepard would get angry at Kaidan for being angry at James so everyone was angry and no one was happy. Now Kaidan knows that he should just leave the room when James’ temper flares. James won’t listen to him anyway. He’ll only listen to Shepard. Idiot.

21\. Silent

Shepard doesn’t like silence. She needs to hear something, anything, in the background. Could be the drive core of a ship, the hum of the fish tank, rain falling outside, James singing in another room, Kaidan talking to himself, a god-damned banshee, even. Anything’s better than silence. Space is silent.

22\. Different

Shepard’s boobs feel different after sex. Softer, squisher. Kaidan mentions it to James in passing one day and the next time they’re all together, both of them have a post-coital grope. Shepard’s too blissed out to care but the men share a nod of agreement. Women will always be a mystery.

23\. Enthralled

It didn’t take much to catch Shepard’s eye. Just a couple of shirtless guys making out on the couch, their chests pressed together, arms wrapped around each other, muscle shifting under two shades of skin. The smell of sweat and aftershave hit her nose and she breathes it in, watching, not blinking, dry mouthed, mesmerised.

24\. Pillow Fort

Kaidan’s way too old to be sitting in a fort made of pillows, the blanket roof propped up with broom sticks. But he’s hunched over a bowl of popcorn, shoving handfuls into his mouth while Shepard lies in his lap. They’re listening to James, his face lit up from underneath with a torch, telling ghost stories. Except they’re not really ghost stories. They’re tales from his most recent deployment and they’re scary enough to send shivers down Kaidan’s spine.

25\. Pain

They’re both hardened marines, both N7. They can take hits that would leave most people gasping for air and crying in agony. But there’s one kind of pain that hurts more than others and that’s finding their Major curled up in a ball in a dark room. They feel hopeless because they can’t fix him with their field medic training or a friendly slap on the back. Only time can fix him. And time takes too long.

26\. Fear

Fear breathes down your neck when you’re holed up behind enemy lines, low on ammo, your team all dead or injured. You can’t think of anything other than trying to calm the panic that threatens to overwhelm you while your skin prickles in a cold sweat and foreign shells explode around you.  _I’m better than this, I’ve been through worse_ , you tell yourself. You squeeze your eyes shut and all you can see are the faces of the two people you love the most. And you fear leaving them behind more than anything else. So you swear to yourself that you’ll fight through this, you’ll survive for them.  And you do. Just.

27\. Failed

The three of them sit in a circle, elbows resting on knees, heads in hands, silent. Brooding. They hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t noticed the signs. And now it was too late. Their failure sat lifeless in the centre of their circle.

“I guess we should’ve watered it,” Kaidan said.

“I didn’t even know cactuses could die,” James muttered.

28\. Rain

Rain poured outside, beating on the windows, the ground, filling up potholes, creating small lakes. For the occupants inside it was merely a backing soundtrack to their own rhythmic activities; the incessant crackling of the deluge outside punctuated by gasps and moans inside. The rain continued to fall long after they had.

29\. Lace

Kaidan’s mother had pulled Shepard aside, taken her up to the master bedroom and handed her a small, white pillow. It had an intricate lace trim. Shepard thought it was hideous.

“This has been in my family for years, handed down from mother to daughter. It’s only fitting that you have it, since you’re my daughter now.”

Shepard still thought it was hideous but she grinned from ear to ear and clutched it tight.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

30\. Happy

Happiness is the three of you together, mostly healthy, mostly whole.

Happiness is when there’s only two of you left, laughing at shared memories.

Happiness is being the last one standing, saluting as crisply as you can (which is hard these days given how bent your back’s gotten in old age) over the final resting place of your two lovers. Your two best friends. Your two heroes. None of you thought you’d get this far, just look where you’ve come from. It’s been a hell of a ride.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 13 May 2014

James lay on his side, his head resting on Kaidan’s shoulder, fingers toying with the hairs on his chest.

“What d’you think Shepard thinks about all this?” James asked.

Kaidan sucked in a sigh, let it out slow. “Doesn’t matter what she thinks. She’s not here. Anyway, this is our thing, not hers.”

“Yeah, but it’s kinda fucked up, no?”

Kaidan shifted, dislodging James so he could shuffle back and sit up against the headboard. He pulled James with him. “It’s not fucked up, James. It is what it is. We’ve made it what it is.”

James looked up at Kaidan. He couldn’t see him so well in the dim of his bedroom. But he could tell from the way he was breathing that Kaidan wasn’t too far off from sleep. “You don’t talk any sense after sex,” James said, grinning.

Kaidan laughed and it ran through James, his head bouncing against Kaidan’s shoulder. “And whose fault is that, hmm? You don’t exactly make it easy for me. I have to do all the work while you just lie there and take it.”

It was James’ turn to bark out a laugh. Lying there and taking it wasn’t exactly how he’d describe it. But he knew Kaidan was only teasing him. And fuck, could he tease. No, tease wasn’t the right word. Torment. That was a more accurate way to describe what Kaidan did to him. James loved it. But sometimes, like now, after the high, after the buzz, he’d question his sanity. And that’s when he’s wish for Shepard to come home so he could lie over her and just do things normally.

Kaidan squeezed his arm. “You’re over thinking it again. Stop it and go to sleep.”

Shit. The man was a mind reader. “Hey, I’m supposed to say that to you.” James shuffled back down, pulled the pillow under his head. “How’d you always know what I’m thinking, anyway?”

Kaidan kissed his forehead and joined James, rolling over and backing up till he fitted against James’ chest. “Compared to Shepard, you’re an open book.” He pulled James’ arm over him like a blanket, taking his hand and nestling it up against his chest.

James lay content for a few minutes, listening to Kaidan’s breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall. Kaidan was right, as usual. James was overthinking things but he couldn’t help it. He squashed the images of what him and Kaidan’d just done and replaced them with images of Shepard: Shepard on her back with James between her thighs. Shepard upright, sandwiched between a wall and him. Shepard straddling him in the back of the skycar, autopilot taking them home. Shepard laughing, her hair down, eyes shining, body shaking.

The sex they had as couples remained mostly private. Apart from when the three of them all slipped into the same bed, they didn’t really know what they got up to with each other. Oh sure, they all had a few tricks that they shared with both partners–Shepard and Kaidan were delighted at what James could do with his tongue, for example. But what Shepard and Kaidan did in their own room remained a mystery to James. Did he torment her like he tormented James? He doubted it. Shepard rarely let James on top of her, even. He didn’t think she’d be any different with Kaidan.

“Hey, K,” James started. “What d’you do with Lola? Any little biotic tricks? Use any of those toys in that draw?”

Kaidan huffed. “Go to sleep James.”

James grinned to himself and squeezed Kaidan tight. Some things would just remain a mystery, then.


	41. “You don’t have the self restraint”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 May 2014  
> bsdm stuff

It’s James who first suggests it.

Shepard appears dangerously turned on by the idea. Kaidan is more reticent. He has to stop Shepard from dragging James away for interrogation on the spot. They don’t have handcuffs for a start, despite being Spectres. Shepard’s method of galactic justice is usually met down the barrel of her Mantis.

 

This delay gives Kaidan a chance to lay down some ground rules. Limits, words, traffic light systems. James thinks it’s overkill. Shepard knows Kaidan’s just leaving everyone a way out. He’s good like that.

A few days later, during a stop on the Citadel, a pair of handcuffs are procured from a very polite hanar running a rather shady store down in the lower Wards. Kaidan hacks them, programmes in a quick release system based on word recognition. When they’ve all had enough fun playing with the lock, a dining room chair is brought into the bedroom. James is dragged in for questioning, shoved down, his arms pulled around the back of the chair, locked in place. He gives an experimental tug. He’s thoroughly stuck. He grins.

James has seen Shepard and Kaidan in action before, in real situations with real suspects. He knows what to expect. They act themselves, both playing good cop. A strange routine but it works. Kaidan’s patience is infinite. Shepard’s, not so much. She’s used to smart mouths when she’s out getting information. She’s used to James’ smart mouth. Hell, it’s one of the things she loves about him. But here, now, his smart mouth is defeating her. James catches the frustration in her voice that indicates that she’s close to losing it and James knows he’s got her.

She doesn’t lose it with the back of her hand though, as thrilling as that might be. She loses it in a fit of giggles. She gets it under control but she’s soon laughing into her fist again.

“I’m never gonna do this in real life,” she says, straddled over James’ lap, his shirt buttons undone to the navel, his fly open, hand reaching inside.

“That’s why they call it role playing, Lola.”

They give up. James says the word and the cuffs fall to the floor. The three of them pile onto the bed and continue in the more traditional way, each free to explore, give, take what they want, free from restraint.

James ends up in the middle afterwards, falling asleep with Shepard’s chest pressed up against his back, her soft breath tickling his neck. Kaidan lays facing him, cupping James’ hands, rubbing soft soft circles on his wrists where the cuffs had been. They hadn’t even been on long enough to leave a mark. But he rubbed and kissed anyway.

_____

It’s Kaidan who next suggests it. Shepard is off-base leaving Kaidan and James the freedom to try again without the threat of laughter hanging over them.

It’s awkward and they’re both a bit embarrassed afterwards. Partly it’s at the ridiculousness of the scenario they’d cooked up. Partly at how much they both enjoyed it.

Kaidan holds James close that night though, rubbing and kissing James’ wrists. The cuffs dented the skin this time. James doesn’t need the caresses, he’s not hurt. But he finds Kaidan’s concern comforting all the same.

_____

Time passes. Missions happen. James is away for a long while. Shepard is with him for part of it. Kaidan is busy with his students. Eventually, the three of them are back long enough to reacquaint themselves with each other. They make the most of it before Shepard gets called away again.

James dangles the cuffs in front of Kaidan. “How about it, K?” He flushes hot at Kaidan’s smirk.

They drop the roleplay this time, concentrating instead on controlling their bodies. If James thought it would be easy to be the one lying back, arms above his head, hands cuffed to the bedhead, then he was wrong. It’s hard. Real hard. Staying in control means needing more self-discipline than Kaidan. And Kaidan doesn’t back down easily. But then, neither does James.

______

They get to know each other this way. It’s simple. Never anything more than those handcuffs and their own stubbornness.

In the cold light of day, James tries not to think about it too much. He shivers with disgust one morning, sitting at the dining table while shoveling perfectly circular pancakes into his mouth. The skin broke on his wrists last night. He’d pulled too hard on the cuffs. It was his own damn fault. Well, Kaidan’s too. The man knew just how to push James to his limit. Knew how to keep him there till he couldn’t take it any more. Then Kaidan would let James go. It was a sweet release. It always was. James didn’t even know he’d chafed his wrists raw ‘till Kaidan had started rubbing and kissing them, like he always did afterwards.

“James, you’re bleeding,” Kaidan had said, concerned. “You gotta tell me if that happens. We’ll stop.”

James had just nodded dumbly. Didn’t even know he’d been freed. Kaidan had been the one to say the word that opened the cuffs. That’s how boneless Kaidan had left him. James didn’t care. He just needed the ache.

He catches a glimpse of his wrist again as his fork reaches his mouth. He shouldn’t like it this much. It’s dangerous.

Kaidan notices James’ wince. He serves up the last of the pancakes and sits down next to James. He knows what’s going on in that head.

“James, hey. You’re a cocky bastard who’s always pushing his luck. Pissed me off no end during the war. That’s why Shepard hardly ever took us both groundside.” He pauses to collect his thoughts when James doesn’t react. “Look. You get off on pushing me and I get off on breaking you. Better we do that in the safety of our own bedroom than in the chaos of a fire fight. You enjoy it, I enjoy it. What’s the problem? Talk to me.”

Kaidan is right, as usual. But something still nags at James.

“Why– shit. I mean, why do I like it so much? You’re not supposed to like being trapped like that, right?”

Kaidan grins, bumps James’ shoulder with his. “Because, James, you don’t have the self restraint to keep your hands off your dick. Or mine.”

Damn. He hates it when Kaidan’s right.

_____

Shepard gets jealous. She sees how James and Kaidan’s relationship has changed, how much closer they’ve become. James has even started speaking with his eyes, like Kaidan does. To James, Shepard and Kaidan could have whole conversations without saying anything. Just a nod could mean ‘I love you.’ A glance could say ‘let’s go out for dinner,’ or ‘Shepard, this is a bad idea.’ James gets it now. He can say more to Kaidan with a raised eyebrow than he could with a whole dictionary. And Shepard doesn’t like it.

Kaidan explains to her what they do. It’s a long conversation one night in bed, just the two of them. She’s not sure what to make of it. She’s not interested in joining in, that’s for sure. Not when it’s gone beyond a game.

“That’s fine,” Kaidan says. “Those handcuffs are our thing.” Just like how long slow nights entwined on the couch are Kaidan and Shepard’s thing, and the backseats of skycars are James and Shepard’s thing.

Still. Shepard feels like she’s missing out on something.

They need to fix this or it will tear them apart.

James and Kaidan can’t stop though. They don’t want to.

It’s not till James invites Shepard to watch, just watch, that she gets it.

She sits in the corner of their bedroom on an old chair whose purpose is to keep not-quite-dirty clothes off the floor until someone (Kaidan) puts them in the wash anyway. She sits silently, watching as James strips off, lies back and shifts to get comfortable. He’s gorgeous naked. Always has been. Being N7 has trimmed him down slightly, but there’s still a rippling mass of muscle under that tan, tattooed skin.

She watches as James lets Kaidan cuff his hands to the headboard above him. She watches as Kaidan slowly strips to his Alliance singlet and briefs, then kneels over James. She watches as Kaidan’s fingers dance over James’ skin, letting little biotic charges out every now and then. She watches as James’ smirk slowly turns into a frown, teeth gritted, concentration etched on his face.

She hears the change in their breathing, feels the change in the air.

She watches as Kaidan slowly gains control while James slowly loses it.

James’ fists are balled and his muscles bulge as he strains against the handcuffs. He’s never looked hotter.

It’s only through sheer good timing–with her hand in her pants–that she’s silently coming at the same time as James groans through his orgasm.

She’s just as exhausted as they are, but she has a better understanding now. She gets what James craves even if it’s something she doesn’t want for herself. She gets why Kaidan craves this kind of control, even if it’s something she doesn’t want to let him have over her.

James ends up in the middle tonight. Kaidan’s chest, sticky with sweat, is pressed up against his back. Shepard faces James, holds his wrists in her hands, rubbing the indents, feeling the ridges and kissing them soft again. She’s not jealous anymore.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 16 March 2014

http://elaadens.tumblr.com/post/39829802373

“James. You’re not paying attention.” Kaidan said. He looked straight ahead. His target was out there. Or, it would be soon, he hoped. All this waiting around, it was getting on his nerves.

“Sure I am, Major.” James replied. He faced the opposite direction, leaning back against some rubble, hands folded over his front.

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder, followed James’ line of sight.

“You’re checking out that marine.” He said, unimpressed. He returned his gaze ahead again.

“I’m checking out his assault rifle. It’s gotta be a M-7 Lancer, right? How’d a grunt like that get one of those? Hey, maybe Shepard’ll buy me one, you think?”

“You’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell, Vega.” Kaidan paused, frowning. “Actually, she probably will. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” James asked.

Kaidan didn’t need to look at James to know he was smirking. He could hear it in his overly innocent reply. “You know what, James.” He shook his head to hide his own smile.

“It’s the puppy eyes. Get’s ‘em every time.” An explosion drew James’ eyes up to the bombed out unit behind the marine with the M-7 Lancer. “Shit, here she comes.” James huffed, heaving himself over the rubble, drawing his assault rifle.

“Hey, I can do puppy eyes, too,” Kaidan replied, diving over and bumping shoulders with James. He watched Shepard leap over the crumpled ruins of the unit, sprinting towards them, a Harvester hot on her tail. “How the hell did she end up over there? She was supposed to draw it through this way.” He nodded back, then reaved the Harvester, joining James in taking the heat off Shepard while she fired wildly behind her.

“Good thing I was paying attention, huh, Sir.”

“Shut it, Lieutenant.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11 April 2014

James is all about the public gestures: dragging Shepard onto Purgatory’s dancefloor, hands skating up and down her body as she pushes her ass into his groin, grinding away to throbbing Asari synth.

Kaidan is all about the private gestures: pulling Shepard close, holding her chest to chest, cheek to cheek as they step slowly around her cabin to soft old Earth love songs.


End file.
